We will be frank – sending your child into a child care setting for the first time can be hard… Very hard. Whether you start care when your child is an infant, in their toddler years, or wait until preschool, the first time you drop your child off and drive away can be an extremely challenging time.

You, of course, know that those first times are hard on your child, too. No matter what age they begin child care, children will often experience various levels of separation anxiety for an initial period of time when they start spending their days without you. While this reaction is perfectly normal, and even to be expected, we’ve found a few action steps you can take that can help both you and your child navigate these new waters.

“Warm up” to Time Apart

While this step isn’t possible for every parent in every situation, if you have the opportunity to enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to babysit for a few hours here and there leading up to the start in child care, these smaller amounts of time apart can help alleviate separation anxiety once a full day of care away from home begins.

Talk Up Child Care

At home, particularly at night before you child heads to bed, talk about all the fun things that your child has to look forward to in the classroom the next day. If you want to get specific, ask their teacher during pickup for the first few weeks what activities are on the agenda for the next few days.

Always Say Goodbye- But Keep it Short and Sweet

Prolonging the “goodbye”, even if your child is upset in the moment, can make separation anxiety worse. Children tend to learn behaviors based on the reactions of the adults surrounding them. Prolonging your goodbye while your child is actively upset may cause them to continue displaying this delaying behavior going forward.  Receiving the reaction they were hoping for can encourage this behavior to repeat.

As hard as it is, if you’ve picked a child care you are comfortable with then you know your child is in good hands, and it is best to keep goodbyes as short as possible. A quick hug, kiss, and “I’ll see you later”, provides the comfort your child needs to transition from home to a daycare setting.

Be Consistent

Develop a goodbye routine and stick to it. Whether that’s a little handshake ritual with your preschooler or a series of three different kisses for your toddler, a consistent routine during drop off can help provide your child a sense of comfort and familiarity. In addition, your child will start to realize that while you may drop them off each day, you also pick them up, as promised. Starting the day with the same ritual will also help your younger child associate it with the fact that you’ll be back at the end of the day.

Keep a Brave Face (To the best of your ability – we know it’s hard!)

One of the most important things you can do when working with your child on separation anxiety is to make sure you stay as positive, relaxed, and calm as possible. Showing any signs of worry, fear, or sadness can fuel your child’s own emotions and make them feel like perhaps something really is wrong. At younger ages, children cannot detect what might be making the adults around them upset, so they may mistake your emotions as something they should be worried about too.

Transitioning to a child care setting can be a challenge for parents. While all of these steps can help alleviate some of the difficulty, the best way you can help your child (and yourself!) is to select a child care center that makes you feel at home, comfortable, and gives you the piece of mind that your child is in fantastic hands all day long.

We may be biased, but we believe that the child care option you choose for your child is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make in their early years. Our best advice? Go with your gut. If it feels like home, it probably is!